Archive for April, 2006

Honkey Kong

Keep your browser open on this site for a while for Snoop dog’s Gin & Juice to stream in. Great tatts as well.

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The English Language Part I: The Bastard Language

If French is the language of love, Italian the language of romance and German the language of…efficiency (?) what particular distinction is bestowed upon English? Well, as much as I love my mother tongue, its dubious credentials may disqualify it for such an esteemed title.

First there is the question of parentage. Its gene pool contains amongst others Old Norse, French, German, Greek and Celtic. English is the illegitimate offspring of a myriad tongues, conceived over a centuries-long orgy of land-grabbing and cultural cross-breeding. 

The heirs to the offspring of this linguistic gangbang, the British, went on to build an empire that pilfered over a quarter of the planet and made English the lingua franca for 570 million people or more. The baton has since been passed onto the Americans whose ‘cultural’ imperialism has allowed the language to continue its acquisition of tongues. 

Finally, ask any non-native speaker who has studied English and you’ll hear what an utter c**t it is to learn. The language simply refuses to keep to the rules. Example: words spelt almost exactly the same don’t sound the same, like bomb, comb, and tomb. Then there are words which aren’t spelt the same, have different meanings but sound identical: pair, pare, pear.

Logical innit?

Therefore, I hereby baptise English The Bastard Language, feared and adhered to by the millions.

Hurrah!!

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Double Decker Digs

Despite the efforts of the spray stencil campaign and various fan groups trying to slow down the disappearance of the iconic open back London Routemaster bus… 

No modern bus will ever replace the thrill of leaping onto the moving platform, grabbing the corner pole, completing a spin around it before landing on the second step of the stairs! (if you failed your prize was smashing your teeth on the pavement much to the joy of the conductor).

So why not just buy one of your own, and unlike Cliff Richard, The Partridge family or The Donga Tribe; these buses are way cool.
A lounge/dining area downstairs with sofas, table, LCD TV and a DVD player and a kitchen with a fridge and microwave. And a sleeping area…

Fares please! 

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